Benji, in too deep

What is going on?

2011-07-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

I just don't understand why, after all we have been through, she can say such things? What am I? some kind of a clown or entertainer? That is not true happiness.

I really hope, she will open her eyes and see what true happiness is. What hurt me the most was that she compared me with him, I felt so hurt when she did that. He is really garbage in my eyes. I did everything for her, is to realise, happiness and love can be simple and not complicated. Just by having the company and appreciating one's presence, is something we should be blessed and thoughtful of.

It really pains me to see us argue over such silly things. After all I have done, what does it mean? You think I want to create problems on purpose? I don't! I truly love her and I want to be with her. I do hope she will open her eyes and see the real picture. I really don't know, how long more I can wait. I envision many things with her and I hope my dreams will come true.

What do I really want?

2011-06-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I really wonder, is it really worth going through the pain, humiliation and waiting? What is true love?

I've been thinking about it for a very long time. Many people say that love is blind and I believe that this saying is true.

What can I do about it? Is it worth the wait? I am trying to keep this thinking positive, but how long more can I be positive? Patience is virtue? The slow and focused wins the race?

Well, I do hope, time will give me an answer. Will there be any other one that will step into my life? There is so many obstacles that is going to be up ahead of me. How long more can I go through this?

Why?

2011-06-19T03:53:00.000-07:00

I don't get it, time after time, we argue again over the silly things. On my end, I showed so much love to her and even did my best to keep her company. After keeping her company, she said she is bored of me. What does she want from me?

Life is so unfair, when she show special treatment to him. What about me? What am I to you? She said I made her wait so that we can talk. Then what about now? I am waiting close to 2 hours to vid call with you. I am so darn confused. What am I suppose to do?

Sometimes, I really really wonder, is it worth it? After doing so much for her, and she said such stuff to me?

Will we be together in the end? I really wonder. Will she even open her eyes and see the truth? How can you say that he is a good man? You must be joking and blinded. I don't know how much more I can take this pain.

Again

2011-06-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I sent her to the airport. It was rather a mixed feeling. Before she left for the airport, she cried telling me about her situation.

She still thinks that he is a good man. All I can say is that, love is really blind. After he hurt you so many times, and you can say he is a good man. Its so frustrating. When will she open her eyes and her eyes and see the truth?

I seriously don't know, how long more I can wait. Will it be forever? It really hurts so much to see this.

The quiet feeling again

2011-05-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

In a few days time, I will be flying over to see her, but somehow, I just feel that the impression given to me is like i'm like giving her trouble and inconvenience. Moreover, we are getting more and more quiet. We almost had an argument again and I don't wish to see that again. I just want us to progress well.

What makes me upset, is that every time when we are having the video call, she takes very long to reply back to me and I can see that she is reply back to him instantaneously. I feel so uncomfortable and at time, I really don't feel like talking to her.

Am I taken for granted? Is this what I see? After doing so much for her, and she still can do this? is it really worth it? Will it be paid off? I hope she will come to her senses. I don't know, how long more I can take this. At times, i will just stone and think about problems that relates to her. I don't know, whether, eventually we can be together.

I'm still keeping this faith alive and I hope, God will answer my prayers. I yearn for her a lot.

Where am I heading?

2011-05-28T10:18:00.001-07:00

Every time I come online on this blog, I keep writing depressing stuff. I have been thinking the whole day about her, and I don't know, in the end, where will we be heading. Sometimes, I feel, I've done so much for her, but, is she really appreciative of it? What can I do to make her come to her senses?

Each time I do so much for her, I feel happy, but then I get slapped back on the face. It keeps happening time after time. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I really love her, and I really want to try out a relationship with her, but its so freaking tough. All the odds are against me and I don't want to give up. I am now hanging by a thread and its gonna snap anytime soon.

When oh when will she come to her senses or when will she ever come to love me? I know I shouldn't be asking much, but it can't be helped. What if you were in my shoes? How would you feel? This is freaking horrible and I hope God will be on my side. Its so unfair to see this happening. I fucking hate it!

Always at the wrong time

2011-05-26T08:53:00.000-07:00

I just hate it, everytime when I am talking to her, he comes into the picture. Or, she will do it on purpose. I hate it, the feeling is so horrible. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help it. What if you were in my shoes? How would you feel? She has never spared a thought for me. Instead, she said that I have to accept it. Its really not fair. I fucking hate it! I shouldn't give her all the attention, making her take me for granted. But what can I do? I want to give her the cold treatment but I can't do it. Its so frustrating and I am so depressed. I wish I had no emotions so that I wouldn't feel like this. It sucks big time.

Should I Wait?

2011-05-25T18:38:00.000-07:00

Its been going to be about 8 months, I am still waiting for the girl that I love. Should I continue to wait for her? Or should I just move on? At times, I really want to move on, but, I can't bear to do it, its so painful. But if I don't move on, I feel hurt too because she is still with him and I always see the things that I don't want to see. I am so lost.

I don't know how long more I can wait, because, its really driving me nuts. I know that there are a lot of other girls out there, but we have gone deep in this relationship and I feel so emotionally attached to her.

I am so lost. I really love her so much and I've done so much for her, but where are we heading? How long more can I wait? Will she ever love me? What am I treated as now? When will she ever leave him? I hope a miracle will happen. It feels like shit to share her with someone else.

Maybe, we weren't meant to be together, I really don't know what Heaven has installed for us. Hope to have a happy ending.

How long should I wait?

2011-03-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

Am I really that patient to wait for someone who is already attached? How long can I wait? Its like I wish, I had a crystal ball to look to the future. I'm playing with a coin of 2 sides, hoping that I will get the side that I want.

Today, my teacher shared with me a story of how he got married with his wife. He was in the same situation as me (except that he is the one with 2 girls by his side). His wife, who was still dating him and the one waiting, finally said to him,"I can't wait for you anymore. I have to move on." This made my teacher realized how important she was to him.

I'm thinking, should I do that? Maybe, at the end of the year. I just want her to realise, that I am the one who can give her security, not him. But, when will she realise about this?

A close buddy of mine told me, given at my current situation, I should be happy and not be sad because I am with her most of the time. Yes, I do get jealous, but I can't help it. To think positive, think of what I have done with her, times we spent and so forth. I am praying that everything will turn out well.

I know my blog has been flooded with a lot of this kind of rubbish, but I can't help it. I am at my wits end and my pride has been crushed so badly. In a way, I asked for it. Love is blind, and, I don't know, how long more I can wait for her. All I can do, is just wait and build up this relationship, hoping it will blossom.

I hate this feeling

2011-03-24T02:35:00.000-07:00

I hate it, everytime she calls him in front of me or vice versa, I get very angry, jealous and upset. How long do I have to go through this rubbish? Feeling so vexed thinking about it. What should I do? What should I fucking do? I am so vexed about it. I feel like screaming.

Jealousy, how should I overcome it?

2011-03-23T01:37:00.000-07:00

I am someone who gets jealous so easily. Worse still, jealous of a girl that I like and love so much. Every time when she posts msgs about her bf, I feel so upset and jealous. Every time when she answers the call from her bf, I get so jealous.

I can't help it, I want to control it, but I can't. Its a roller coaster ride for me. I feel happy when we are talking and all. I feel jealous and upset when he comes into the picture. I don't know, when she will ever love me. I am scaling up this mountain that is very steep and I keep falling and tripping onto the rocks. When will I reach the top of happiness? Or will I stumble all the way to the bottom of the mountain? Or should I just signal for help and hitch a ride out of here?

Am I making the right choice in pursing this love? Or there any other options?

1. Do I really love her? Yes, I do and for so many reasons.

2. Is there any hope? Honestly speaking, I am not sure. On a positive note, I feel there is. Because, we have gone through so much together.

Now, how should I overcome this jealousy? Its very hard not to think about it. Get myself distracted? How? Occupy myself with work? Career? Studies?

I need to strategies on this. Work out a plan. How am I going to do it? Think think think. My brain is going to explode soon!!!!

Still Waiting

2011-03-08T00:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I ask myself, is it worth waiting for a girl that is already attached? I feel so much agony thinking about it.

I know, it is a selfish thought, for me to wish that they break, but I can't help it. I want to do it professionally, by waiting. I am afraid, by then , I would have already been exhausted. My mind and life is like a roller coaster ride now. I am very weak when it comes to the matters of the heart. I'm love sick and I admit that.

I just hope, one day, she will come to realize how important I am and my feelings for her. I don't know, how long I can wait. I know I have to be patient, but its killing me inside. Haiz......

The Waiting

2011-03-04T16:36:00.001-08:00

I don't know, how much more I can wait, for this girl that I love all the way from abroad. At times, it hurts to see her write such messages to her bf. It is not fair, seeing the guy putting in the least of his efforts to shower her with love whereas I've done so much. This is not fair and she is blinded by his actions.

I don't know when they will break up and I am really hoping, everything will be solved soon. I really want to be with her, and I hope prayers are answered. This agony I am facing, its painful cut inside of me.

I'm trying, to convince myself, that we will be together. I want to think positive, and I hope it will be. Whenever I think about the sad things of her, I will breakdown in cold sweat and I feel my heart ache badly. How?

Is it worth waiting for a girl that is already attached?

2011-03-01T08:53:00.000-08:00

Its been a few months that I have been facing with this agony. Worse still, it is a long distance relationship.

I fell in love with her a girl, that has so many things in common with me. She likes me a lot too, but, she can't let her Jap boyfriend go. Its because of this particular guy that is preventing us from getting together.

We are waiting, to see if we are able to get together. But, I don't know how long more I can wait for this agony to be over. I am also upset, that I put in so much effort, and that jerk doesn't do much but she still loves him. This is not fair I tell you.

I'm now telling myself to hang in there as I believe, she and I will be together soon and its just a matter of time. I'm just waiting for that guy to make one more mistake and she will leave him. I hope, that she will come to realise that the Jap guy is not worth her love. I hope, this saying is true,"Patience is Virtue". All I hope, is that everything will work well and I want to be the frist man to step into her house to visit her parents. I don't want to lose her because, we have so many things in common and we want to do many things together in life. We are still taking time to learn from one another. Will she be the one?

Failures in BGRs

2011-02-05T05:25:00.000-08:00

Time after time, God is always giving me many situations to handle especially BGRs. The worse problems are, I always fail in wooing the girl or to be with the girl. Making so much sacrifices, is it worth it?

Now, I am stuck in a love triangle, and, all of a sudden, the girl that I love and like, suddenly feels like she is drifting away from me. She is all soft and melted towards her bf who has been a pain the ass to me for so many times.

I really wish he will leave her soon, in a selfish thought of mine because, I don't see any good things in him. He made her cry often and I wish that she could wake up her bloody idea. It hurts so much that I can't get close to her and she is always calling me.

Another problem that I face is, why is she always calling me? Why not her bf? I think it shouldn't be that way. Something is very wrong.

What should I do?

From a friend, to someone that I love, but became out of nothing at all

2010-11-28T07:14:00.000-08:00

It hurts to come across someone who likes you and makes you her second option or someone to lean on when she is unable to get her first bf.

It hurts to put in sacrifices for her and it became out of nothing at all.

It hurts to be taken for granted, to be made used of and it was just merely your imagination.

Long distance relationshp

2010-08-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't expect to like a girl that I got to know during the Nippon Jamboree. It was really unexpected and a weird way of how I got to know her.

Would it be good to have a long distance relationship? Will it be tough to build up and strengthen the relationship? I did not had a chance to speak to her for quite some time and I am already feeling uneasy. I've been thinking of her and hoping that she will get back to me soon.

Wood Badge Award

2010-06-22T02:18:00.000-07:00

It was my most memorable night ever, a night that I will never forget! 19th June 2010, Southern Cross Scout Troop held its 51st Annual Campfire (Fiamma Eterna) at St. Gabriel's Secondary School. All our sweat and tears that we've put in for the campfire was not a waste afterall. It was also a night whereby I had my Wood Badge investiture and lots of my friends came down to witness this moment. Furthermore, I had a lot of unexpected guests that came for the campfire such as members from the Scout Council. Lots of scouters were astonished to see their presence during the campfire.

The funny thing was, I wasn't jumping with joy after I was endowed with the Gilwill scarf and Wood Beads. It was just a strange feeling, kind of shocked to be happy. Furthermore, schools that came, cheered and applauded for me. It was so wonderful and I wish I could turn back time. Many commissioners gave good comments about our campfire, especially the gateway, performance, the scouts in the Troop and most of all, they were amazed about how we got Swensens to sponso for our campfire.

Overall, I would say that Southern Cross is once again back on their feet, to show people out there how strong we are and we are not to be messed with. My vision: To produce more Wood Badge holders and PSA holders with the right values of Scouting. Its going to be tough, but like failure comes experiences and lessons to be learnt.

A Day Full of Events and Excitement

2010-04-20T05:01:00.000-07:00

17th April 2010, a day that I will never forget, a day that was happening for me and a new lease of life. I was very happy that the day was meaningful and I put on with a smile =)

Attended my 2nd attempt for my woodbadge interview and I made it. I passed! My dreams come true!
Attended the Nippon Jamboree meeting, got to know some of the participants and leaders better.
Attended Speech Day 2010. Saw quite a no. of my Scouts receive awards for studies and Scouting. So proud of them. Best of all, I witness a boy that I trained and grew up to be a useful citizen to the public, who went up on stage as a Valedictorian. He gave a speech to the school about his life in school and how he excelled in his O level exams. I'm so proud of him that my tears almost came out.
Celebrated my Mom's bday!
Also attended my Scout Leader's bday celebration.
Chilled out with my boys with a game of pool.

The day went well with a lot of things for me to ponder about especially the woodbadge award. It has given me a new lease of life, to look at things in a bigger perspective and to enjoy my life with a smile. I would like to look at live in a different perspective, not the way that I was before.

BP's words of inspiration, "Never sit down with a tear or frown, but start peddling your canoe."

Directions for Year 2010 and What I'm looking forward to

2010-02-01T17:31:00.001-08:00

This year is the year of the Tiger and its my year! *ROAR* I do hope it will be smooth sailing for me. I'm looking forward to so many things this year.

Going to receive my Woodbadge
Investing as a Rover (Dream come true!)
Doing my Baden Powell Award
Submitting my NYAA Gold
Starting my Degree in Oct
100 Years of Scouting Dinner
Scout Rally
Singapore Jamboree
15th Nippon Jamboree
Doing my Power Boat License
Starting Business

So many things that I'm looking forward to. I don't want to waste my time focusing on things that have always been making me upset such as the BGR problems. I want to focus my time on things that are important to me, especially Scouting. Girls can wait. If I can meet the right one, it will come to me.

Is it a fact? Do we have to face the fact?

2009-11-30T00:18:00.000-08:00

Ever heard of the saying, if its meant to be yours it will be? Sometimes, I really choose not to believe in this statement. This is applicable in the BGR I'm having problems with. Is it really not meant to be? I really wish she could be mine, for we have so much in common. I know in life, we can't force things, but, why is it that I see some ppl getting into a relationship so easily?
I don't want to give up on her, I just hoping, one day, she'll give me this chance to express my feelings and love for her. It may sound that I'm begging, but I personally feel that she's the one. The only thing I'm intending to do now, to continue chasing after her, but not to put in too much effort into it and maybe, hoping that the right one steps into my life. I want to go against the fact and I will face it bravely at all cause!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to win this battle, and I do hope I can, but I must tell myselfm, if all fails, I must face the consequences of falling deep. I hope I'm making the right choice.

Once again, been rejected.

2009-11-27T17:51:00.001-08:00

Just a few days back, I was talking to her online and all of a sudden, she raised this question, "Do you like me?" I was caught off guard as I didn't want her to know how I feel. But, she wanted my honest answer and I just told her the truth. She told me that she's not prepared for a relationship for now, and she just wanted to let me know first as she didn't want me to waste my time.
I just told her that I'm taking things slow and I'n hoping that she will give herself a chance as well not now, but who knows when to come. I did ask her as well, whether she feels the same way as I do, she said that she likes me as a friend. I duno whether I should feel happy or sad and whether I still stand a chance anot. I also said that, when she's ready, I'll be waiting for her. Last thing she said was,"We'll see how it goes okay".
Time after time, this shit always have to happen. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to give up on her. She's not the type of girl that was "love at first sight". I hate it so much, that all the efforts have gone down the drain. Should I just continue to woo her? Or should I just give up on her? I'm really really lost. Its like, I'm gonna crash. The worse thing that I would not like to see, is that she's lying to me as she likes someone else.
I know, that I'm very emotional and its not as if that I've gotten into that relationship, but its time after time, this chance just slips away. I just want to continue as what we are doing. But, I can say that, it will not end up well. I did left her a msg, telling her that if she's free next sun, leave me a msg, which is very very unlikely of her. It hurts very deeply.

What if efforts became wasted time?

2009-11-01T05:54:00.001-08:00

Have you ever wondered, if you were to put in a lot of effort to woo a girl that you love, in terms of planning and making the time for her, all turns out a waste of time and not appreciated? How would you feel? Vexed? Worthed it? Nothing? For me, I hate this feeling whenever it happens. You just feel like crashing and breaking down. But, what can I do? At times, I do hate it when it involves matters of the heart.

A Created Opportunity Outing?

2009-10-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

I met up with the girl that I was fond of last week. Had to meet her because she left her phone with me. It was a short outing, but it felt very gd. I felt very warm inside when she came late and she apologised to me, putting her head and hands on my shoulder. I was startled by her actions but it felt warm and nice inside. We spoke a lot during lunch, whereby we chat a lot and had very close eye contact. I wish we could chat and spend that whole day out, but she had something on. We went window shopping together and it was as if, I was like her bf, except that we didnt hold hands and stuff. I really really like her, but does she feel the same way? Its gonna take a lot of effort and I do hope I can win her heart. I just can't stop thinking of her every min of every day. I'm trying to control myself and hopefully in the end, we can be together. She is the only girl that I've ever dated, that I want to share my happiness and sadness with. Its like, I have a goal to look forward to, to be there for her and look after her. The funny thing is, when we are out as a group, we dont talk much. But we're alone, we can talk till the cows come home. Why is that so? Haiz, its so confusing. I can't wait to meet her again, and this time, I hope it will be more enjoyable and fun!

I Believe

2009-10-23T16:52:00.000-07:00

At this stage, I believe the girl that I'm after knows I like her. I don't believe that she is unaware of it. Only thing that concerns me now is, does she feel the same way as I do? Or is she keeping this to herself secretively? I really hope I'm not wasting my time on her, and that all goes well. I really don't want to have a scenario whereby it will be backfired and I have to suck it up. I'm really having this terrible feeling especially when we're out as a group, we don't talk. But we are out alone, we can talk till the cows come home. What does it mean? I really want to know the answer.

Anxiety?

2009-10-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

Come to think of it, I do agree that at times, I really think that I think too much. I'm trying to stop this habit, but its hard as I'm a sensitive person. Especially now the BGR problem, its just causing a whirlwind in my head.

I always have to tell myself that I'm thinking too much. At the same time, I'm thinking, what if it is real? How?

Maybe in the past, the relationship that I had didn't went well because of this problem. I hope to change myself and it all thanks to my best friend that told me about this. If this goes on, one day, I may drive myself crazy. Have to keep reminding myself not to think too much.

Well, I'm trying to curb this problem by keeping myself occupied with a lot of programmes and activities, its so packed that at times, I couldn't breathe! I hope to complete all this activities soon so that I could do other things that I wanna do like kayaking 2 star and power boat.

I MUST PERSERVE ALL THE WAY FOR MY WOODBADGE AND NYAA GOLD!!!!!

Am I making the wrong move?

2009-09-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

Been thinking about it, whether I should make the first move to initiate the conversation with her or should I wait and take a break? Hands are feeling itchy to contact her, but I'm afraid of disturbing her.

I wish love could be simple. I can understand why some man prefer to stay single so that they do not need to trouble themselves with all these problems.

I do hope I can get what I want, I'm afraid that this opportunity will either fail or slip away. I'm feeling like this now through this song by REO Speedwagon.

KEEP ON LOVING YOU (Reo Speedwagon)

You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was something missing
You should've known by the tone a' my voice, maybe But you didn't listen
You played dead, but you never bled, Instead you lay still in the grass, all coiled up and hissing
And though I know all about those men Still I don't remember
Cause it was us, baby, ready for them And we're still together
And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you, I meant that I'd love you forever
And I'm gonna keep on loving you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on loving you
And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you, I meant that I'd love you forever
And I'm gonna keep on loving you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on loving you
Baby I'm gonna keep on loving you
'Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on loving you

My mind has been just a whirlwind since I saw you

2009-09-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

Got this title from the song "Can't fight this feeling" by REO Speedwagon. They are one of the best bands in the world, such beautiful lyrics and melody. Their interpretation and expression of love is wonderful, just the way I feel it now.

Well, this few days, its been some kinda mind playing games. Felt a sense of disappointment, where I've summed up the courage to call her out for a dinner date, but in the end, the dinner date did not take place.

The dinner date became a group outing and I was actually hesitant to go but I gave in. She pursuaded me to go for the outing and rearrange another dinner date. I could tell why she wanted to go out with the group very badly because they were heading to KTV and when I saw her singing and participating in almost every song, I could understand why.

I didn't speak to her much. I don't know why, but the only explanation that I could think of was that I only felt comfortable speaking to her if its one on one basis. Throughout the outing, we only spoke very short conversations. I felt very sad when we left for home, no hug from her and she didn't say goodbye to me. She just headed straight for the cab with the rest and went off.

Most disappointing part was when I smsed the girls, telling them to sms me when they get home to let me know that they have reached home safe. Everyone replied except her. Why was that so? Did she forget? Or was she lazy to reply? Why why?

These are the things that have made me gone pondering over my thoughts. I felt very uneasy, but at times, am I thinking too much? I'm trying to stop this habit, but sometimes, I can't help it.
I do hope that everything turns out well for. It it doesn't, its gonna hurt a lot and I'll take quite some time to recover from it. I do feel like shutting myself from all this problems. I wish life was simple without all this kinda complications.

What can I do? Everytime I'm asking myself, what can I do to solve this? Maybe fate will help me? Till next time.

Life

2009-09-23T06:23:00.000-07:00

At times, have you ever wondered how some people are able to get what they want without any hassle? Don't you feel jealous and wish you had the same opportunity? The worse thing is, how come some people can get a gf so easily? What's the secret? How did they do it? Or are they just plain lucky? I have been waiting for this luck and opportunity to step into my life, but I have yet to receive it.

Here is a scenario for you to think about. Would you prefer to have someone who likes you and you didn't even put in that effort to make the person like you, or would you prefer to go after someone that you put in your effort and time to get the final product? This has been in my mind for quite some time already and it sucks to think about it. Give it some thought.

Sometimes, I can understand why there are people who chose to stay single. Its a bloody waste of time and if you can't get what you want, that will be the worse.

How long can I hide this feeling?

2009-09-17T07:09:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had this feeling of wanting to tell a girl how you are fond of her? But, you are scared of rejection or afraid that her friends find out as well and in the end, everyone just gives you the cold shoulder?

I'm facing the problem now, and I am seriously lost. She's like someone that I've finally found, someone who I feel can talk to and have a lot of things in common. I'm just afraid that in the end, when I confess my feelings, I'll get rejected. I hate this feeling, and I've felt that many times already. I do hope to face this problem with courage.

My friend did tell me not to put my hopes too high, but I cant help it. I do hope that in the end, I'll be able to bring her home for a meal with my family. I really really cross my fingers and pray to God that she'll be the one. I feel she's the one. But, will she?

I'm Back!

2009-09-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

After 6 months, I'm back into writing my blog! Well, I've finally ORD and I'm glad its over. Been busy with my Scout activities and awards that I'm pursuing. Also, a new language i'm learning, KOREAN! Haha, didn't expect myself to learn this. I'm learning this for interest and business. I'm hoping to get a job soon, and I made a lot of new friends, of which there is a girl tht I'm really fond of. I really hope I can get to be with her. I feel she's the right one for me and the one I've been searching for. I do hope we can get closer and closer as the time comes. Well, that's all folks!

Its been awhile....

2009-03-11T23:48:00.001-07:00

Woah man, when was the last time I wrote my blog? Some BGR thing I suppose. Just to update myself, for year 2008, there were ups and downs.

Ups

I completed my driving!
Completed my 1 star kayaking!
Started my basic Thai!
Became a one year soldier(Getting close to my PINK IC!)
Retail Therapy (My MEtal Shirts that I Bought!)

Downs

Still recovering from my injuries
Discovered that I've got slipped disc
Still facing some BGR problem

Well, here are the happenings that took place last year. For the year 2009, I hope it will be a better year for me and it will be a better year, because I'm getting my PINK IC! Only thing troubling me is, army is gonna retrench me! Have to start thinking about my education and work! I have to face the outside world soon! Not only that, this years economy is so bad! I wonder if I'm able to get a job once I ORD. Its also going to be a busy year for me, especially for my Scout commitments. Nevertheless, life has to go on. I do hope to find a companion soon. Its been a long time since I last had one. Oh well, here it ends for now. Lets cross our fingers and pray for a smooth sailing year ahead!

Its back to BRG again

2008-08-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder why do I get myself into so much problems with affairs of the heart. Recently, I met up with this gal that I've known for many years. Its beena long time since we last met up. I felt so much fun hanging out with her, you feel relaxed and your worries are all gone. We met up for dinner in town and I send her home after that. When I was seeing her off, i decided to tell her something that I've been wanting to tell her all these years. I finally let it out, I told her about my feelings for her. She was shocked from the way I see it. But, I don't know whether she was telling me the truth when she said this, "We'll see about it and let nature take its course." I hope she wasn't giving me face or sacred to reject me. I hope its a good sign. I pray to God, hoping that I will be granted this chance, for she's someone that touches my heart. These few days, I've been thinking about this and I don't know what to do. I'm feeling all confused and mixed up. I don't want to let this chance slip away.

Its Time for The Updates!

2008-07-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

Woah! Its been a long time since I last wrote here. Today, 140708, marks my 1 year in Army! Enlisted lasted year 140707, it was a long wait. Another 10 more months to ORD! Can't wait man. Curretly have achieved the following:

-Driving license
-1 Star kayaking (proceeding to 2 Star)
- Attended 3 music concerts so far (Black Sabbath, Helloween and Dismember)

Will be doing some other stuff as well. Sometimes its procastination that makes me lay back. Well, you'll hear from me again soon. Till next time.......

(Metal Is Forever!)

I Did it!

2008-01-13T02:07:00.000-08:00

Finally, after waiting for so long, my effort has been paid off! I Finally passed my driving! The feeling was great, and I've finally gotten rid of the burden inside me. Next up, I will be looking forward to my other licenses that I intend to get.

A Brand New Year 2008

2007-12-31T22:03:00.000-08:00

Today marks the start of a brand new year! I hope this year would be a good and meaningful one. Year 2007 was dreadful and terrible. Reason being:

Didn't achieve the results that I wanted in poly
Health problems
Army fucked up my life
A friend passed away
Failed my driving test twice
Living on the edge
Relationship problems

Yup, now you know why I hated 2007. For year 2008, I have some set of New Years Resolution that I would like to accomplish:

Learn languages
Pass my driving
If possible, get my power boat license
Canoeing
Be a better man

Let's cross our fingers that everything will turn out smooth. Once again, Happy New Year!

Dilemma

2007-09-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

Though this is my 1st week in SISPEC, there are more things to come. My ankle and wrist are giving hell lot of problem. MO said that I should be out of course, but I insisted on staying. Did I make the right choice? I'm caught in the middle. Reasons to stay are pride, new friends I've made, physical fitness and the hardwork I've done to get in here. Reasons to leave are my injuries, not to aggrevate even further. Many ppl have discouraged me in continuing my course in SISPEC. If I were to leave, where will I go? Tmr is my SOC, and I hope my ankle doesn't give me any problem. I will be meeting the specialist soon, hope nothing goes wrong. Its such a mess now. I'm really confused.

Life's bitterness

2007-09-22T21:09:00.000-07:00

Deep down in my heart, I feels like this "TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Been down on luck lately. First, I failed my driving once again. And this is gonna make me spend more money again. Next, I checked my posting and I dodn't get into OCS. I got into SISPEC instead. My 2 buddies got in, but I didn't. Why? There are some ppl who got into OCS and I honestly feel that they don't deserve it. Why is life so unfair? These has been happening to me for a few years. Been down on luck and all. I hate this feeling, something that you wanted but you didn't achieve it at all. I even feel, that when you help one another, you're not appreciated for who you are. Does it help to be kind? THIS IS FUCKED UP!

Life in Army

2007-08-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

Just returned home from Tekong, finished my field camp. I'm coming to my 5th week in Tekong, 5 more weeks to go and I P.O.P! Can't wait for this day to be over. Thinking of booking in makes me feel 'Sian'. And when your out with friends, there is nothing you can talk about but army stuff, cause that is the only thing that you're being exposed to. I really cant wait for my army life to over.

Life in BMT

2007-07-29T01:15:00.000-07:00

I just got back a few days ago. So far, everything seems rather ok. Its kinda bored, in a sense that you'll miss home a lot. During my BMT, I kept thinking of my family and home. Giving them a call for 1 short 5 mins was also not satisfying, wishing that you were home. Oh well, the only thing I can do is to suck thumb. I feel terrible inside, but what can I do? I hope my friends will be with me, and that I will go all the way. I won't be back again till 8th August, will be going for field camp for 6 days. Hope to survive that. During BMT, I was sad because of this particular girl that I was find of. I was hoping to get a response from her about the birthday gift. Till now, there is no news. I left her a sms, but no reply. Why? Till now, its still a mystery.

A New Phase In Life

2007-07-13T07:05:00.000-07:00

Well, the time has come, I don't know whether I should say that I'm ready for it, but in reality, the day has come. By the time you guys have finished reading this post, i'm already in tekong. I really thank all of you who manage to make your time available, to spend time with me before I enlist. I thank God for giving me such gd friends. Thank you and God Bless.

I hope that I will be able to survive in army, to adapt to this phase in life. My freedom will only be given back to me in 2009. Deep down in my heart, I have mixed up feelings. From my 3 months plus of fun and freedom, now it has come to an end, to fight for my country and be a man. Lots of previlages will be taken away from me for the time being, but I believe I can do it. The only main concern for me is my wrist, hoping that it will not give way and create more hassle.

Its time for me to end it here. I hope it will be a gd thing for me. I hope to enjoy myself in BMT and the rest of my army life.

Girls have different meanings

2007-06-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

At most cases, whenever a girl says this, to us guys we think its like this, but to them its another. Get my point? Still lost? Nvm, I explain again. Short and sweet, girls are hard to understand them. I could still recall a girl that I had a crush on. It was a failed attempt, and I heard from my friends that she doesnt want to get attached at all. She prefers to be single and be a "nun". To us guys, this is the assumption. However, its not! Recently, I just saw her holding hands with a guy who is her bf. You see what I mean? Get the picture? When they say something, they mean another thing. I just don't understand them. Oh well, all we can do is to suck our thumbs and carry on with our lives. That's all.

Party At Friends PLace.

2007-06-25T03:17:00.001-07:00

Should I say that whether I have enjoyed myself at the party or the other way round? Honestly speaking, I did. Initially, it was kinda awkward as there were many faces that I'm unfamiliar. After awhile, I manage to blend in with the crowd. first was party at the poolside, then we headed down to MOS for clubbing. Didn't really like the smoove arena as most of the ppl there were ah bengs or lians. Went upstairs at 54, it was fun where they played all the retro music from the 80's! And the fun part is, the crowd was friendly where most of the ppl were caucasians. After clubbing, headed back to the hotel with the rest for a short nap. Everyone was tired out, some couldnt even be bothered to bath.

I was kinda happy to talk to someone, whom I expected that she wouldn't talk much. I had a great time have short conversations with her. But the sad thing was, she did something that turned me off. I was hoping to meet up with her to collect something, but she said she will pass to one of my friend instead. After hearing that, I just felt like shit, having mixed feelings inside.

I really hope to have more outings with her soon. My mind just keeps having thots about it. Well, it looks and feels like its not destined.

What Have I Accomplished During mY Break?

2007-06-16T21:41:00.000-07:00

I couldn't slepe well for the past few weeks. I've been thinking, what have I really accomplished throughout this 3 months? These are the things I've done so far:

1) In the midst of completion for my driving (WAITING FOR A FREAKING TEST DATE!)
2) Picking up proper blading techniques
3) Did improvements for my bowling
4) Expanded my circle of friends

Yup. So far, these are the only things that I've done. I felt I could have done more. I only have a few more weeks before the Government takes my life away for 1year10months. All these while, other than doing all those listed above, I've been rotting at home, slacking and spending money outside to relax. Kinda feel it was good, but at the same time, it was like killing time. Felt a great sense of disappointment. Furthermore, parents have been criticising me about how I've spend my time. Its pressurizing staying at home. Hearing them nag at me drives me nuts.

I could sleep well, was also due to where I am now. Yes, I've already achieved my diploma in Chemical Engineering, but whatever I do, my parents are never satisfied. I'm always being compared with other kids, with regards to their education, what they are doing and where they are now. My parents give me the impression that I'm useless. But, it has woken me up. From now on, I will do whatever it takes to reach my goal. I have a dream, that is to earn my 1st 1 million dollars when I reached the age of 35. I don't want anyone to look down on me, to think that I'm useless and I cannot achieve anything in life.

Last but not least, I couldn't sleep well because of this special girl. She has the qualities of the girl that I like. But, its tough as she's an introvert. I'm interested in her, but its gonna be a tough one. Should I go for it or should I take a step back? I hope she's the one.

Glam Metal Bands

2007-06-01T05:17:00.000-07:00

Here Are Some Of The Best Glam Metal Bands Of All Time!
Songs Are Always About Love, Hurt, Sex, Drugs and Destruction!

Attitude from friends

2007-05-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

What the hell is wrong with ppl these days? Friends I have known for so long, and I've seen their true colours. Isit because of meeting them too many times until you face these kind of problems? One was very sarcastic in the way he replied my sms. The other was too stingy, just want to save 5cents, and didnt reply back. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THESE PPL? Sometimes I wish this ppl can do some self reflection. If they can't even think of it properly, they can just knock their heads on the wall and die for all I care.

21st Bday celebration

2007-03-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

It was a simple and yet a fun bday celebration. My group of friends gave me a moment of joy that I will never forget, especially the bday cake where felix pulled out a gag on me. Everyone started singing at the bus stop with a small lil cake, and everyone was looking! I felt so embarrased, but it was a beautiful memory that I will cherished and never forget. Without you guys, I would never have enjoyed myself. Friends are special in every way, but the right ones are still the best.

Year 2007

2007-02-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

Its a start of a new year! Well, should I be looking forward to it? I will be graduating this year from poly and heading to the army after that. Feel its going to be a bore! I really hope this year I will get things that I want. For instance, able to get a place in the local uni, learning all my necessary stuff and accomplish my goals this year. I hope I won't procastinate, for I want to make full use of my days properly. I also hope that someone gorgeous babe will step into my life (wishful thinking)! Haha. Well, that's all for now. And oh ya, I'm turning 21 this year! Oh no!!

What a Christmas

2006-12-24T03:53:00.000-08:00

Christmas is supposed to be a time for enjoyment and gathering. But this was an exception for me. No friends to go out with, down with stomach flu and bored! Before christmas, I could see so many people in town, preparing themselves for christmas gatherings, buying choclates, gifts and wrapping paper. How I envy them. I wish I could have some fun this christmas, but all I can do is to rot at home. Haiz.

I've got my Answer.........

2006-11-20T06:37:00.000-08:00

Today, I was out with 'someone' whom I felt very comfortable with. Always thought that she and I could be together. But, I took the courage to face the truth, I told her about how I felt but, I still respect her as she is already attached. I knew the answer straight from her heart, that she doesnt have feelings for me. It was just a game. But I asked her to go back and think of this particular question, "If you weren't attached in the first place, would you have considered me?" She told me she didn't think of that question, but she'll go back home and think about it. I knew the answer from her. Which most likely leads to no. Though I know its kinda sad to know the truth, but it least this load is off my mind and I've got the truth. Let's hope life will be smooth for the upcoming days ahead.

Guilt, Sad or Joyful?

2006-09-10T07:42:00.000-07:00

For the past few days, I've been in a dilemma with these 3 emotions as stated on the title. Reason why I felt that way becuase of this particular girl that I went out with. Had a pleasant dinner on fri, and we were chatting and taking a stroll in town. We held hands together and didn't bother about the surroundings around us. The feeling was great, and I will never forget that. But, currently, she already has a bf. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I cant help it. And she didn't mind too. And, when i asked her about her relationship with her bf, she said there's no chemistry, but still hanging on. She even said, if they were to break up, she would want me to be her bf. Was she joking or was she being serious? Was she hinting to me something? I really really have no clue. The past few nights, these thoughts were running through my mind. Sometimes I feel I shouldn't have known her at all. I really hope everything will turn out right for the upcoming says ahead. I agree with this song lyrics, "I pray for the stars to go on shining, cause in my dreams you will love me." by REO Speedwagon.

Purpose in Life

2006-09-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

Just feeling bored, rotting away in my lab, unable to proceed on with my experiment, so I decided to write something about the purpose in life.

What is our purpose in life? Many people will give different views of this aspect. A few days ago, I overheard my parents conversation about the purpose in life. I didn't quite agree with my dad's definition, whereby he said that life was meaningless, just waiting for each passing day to go by and he'll be gone. In my mind, when I heard this saying, I kinda felt that way. On the other hand, I felt this shouldn't be the way.

There was a period of time that I felt that way, when things weren't going my way, there a lot of hurdles to attempt and so on. I just felt like giving up my life, end this misery and go up to the heavens. But I realised that I was wrong. I feel that Buddha has given us this life, to search for our purpose in life, not to sit there and let it approach you. Its like a game, to see how we handle and how we face the odds. It may sound ridiculous to some people, but this is my own opinion.

At times, I would just stare blankly at the ceiling or daydream, didn't know what to do. Sometimes, a kind of evil conscious tells me to sit back and waste my life away. I will try to overcome this problem by sit up straight, get my butt off the ground and start doing something. In this lifetime, we only have this 1 opportunity to try out or do things that we want. I would like to have a sense of accomplishment before I go to heaven. I really pray, that all obstacles in my way especially the problem that my whole family is facing, I hope it will come to an end soon, and all of us would be able to do what we always wanted.

I hope these simple positive thinking phrases will help you in a way or so whenever you feel you are unable to achieve what you want or you feel meaningless in life,
"God, may it be a fruitful day for me, for I put my faith and trust in you, that any obstacles that come in my way, i will face it with all my might."
"Whatever that is going to take place, God, I hope it is a lesson that I will learn from and I believe that I will not be defeated."
"I believe, I believe, I believe, I will not be defeated!"
"God, you are there to guide me, and I will follow your footsteps to meet my goals."

Updates

2006-07-09T17:29:00.000-07:00

Its been 2 months plus since I last logged in. Currently doing my attachment in Boon Lay. Its fun but at the same time, tiring and kinda stressful. Been hanging out with my clicke and chilling. All this while, I was able to overcome and divert my attention away from her. But last Sat, I saw her togerther with her bf, sitting beside me at the esplanade. I felt so depressed, my heart sank deeply. She saw me and she stared at me, awared of my appearance. I didn't want to look at her, but just kept on talking to my friend. After that, I went off. I walked past her, I saw her looking at me, but I just ignored. I felt that if she really cherished the friendship, she should be the one to take the first step to say hi, not me. I don't agree in this saying of guys must always take the initiative. What century are we in now? Come on man! On my way home, as I board the train, i noticed her trying to get onto the train, but it closed and she was left outside. I felt a sense of relieve. My tears came out as I thought about her, about the moments and sacrifices I made for her. Was it worthed it? I hope to overcome this ordeal once again, and I don't know, maybe hoping to hear from her soon? Or should I just fuck it? Let nature take its path.

Emotional Breakdown

2006-04-30T07:51:00.000-07:00

Felt the pain of rejection from someone that I liked for many years. Feels like a knife opening up the wound, the penetration is so deep. Why? Why can't I have a chance at all? I really wana be with her, but God is playing a joke on me. Everytime this kind of shit has to happen to me. The worse thing is to see the girl that you like goes steady with someone else. The pain hurts like hell, the agony and pain I'm feeling now.

Worse emotional feeling

2006-04-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

Been thinking through lately, and I realise and felt, this was the worse feeling that I hated the most. its a feeling of loving someone, but you could't tell her because you're afraid of the consequences. But, if you don't convey your feelings, here is another feeling that is like shit. You'll feel this feeling being bottled up inside of you, you feel so much love towards her, you want her to realise how much feelings you have for her now. She is running round in circles in your mind. Get my point?? So what should you do then?? I feel its like flipping a coin, you either try out your luck or you can just stay there and be stagnant. The last option would be telling yourself to forget about it and just move on in life. But its gonna be a very hard process. And guess what? This is happening to me now and I'm in a dilemma. I just wish that I would get what I wanted.

Happy 20th birthday?

2006-03-18T18:03:00.000-08:00

Once again, my birthday has arrived, and im now 20, 2 decades old. Should I feel happy or should I feel sad? It was a weird birthday for me. I thought, for this coming birthday, many ppl would remember my birthday, but I was wrong. Only my family, a few of my relatives, my buddies and some ppl that I din expect to hear from gave me their well wishings. Those that I expected to hear from, I had no news from them, especially from this special someone, whom I thought would give me her well wishings. I waited the whole day, but in the end, she didn't. I felt very upset over this issue. Why? Im really lost for words, is she meant for me? Will she want me? I guess the answer is right in front of my face. But, I still enjoyed myself hanging out with my friends. Thanks guys for everything. Love you guys. And most of all, thanks for the gift, I really like it a lot.

The best of 3 days that I will never forget

2005-12-27T05:35:00.000-08:00

These 3 days have made a wonderful impact of my life. They were 23rd, 24th and 25th of Dec. I will never the events that took place. On 23rd, which is on a friday, went out with a friend that I've not seen her for many years, and she has changed a lot. She was very outspoken and the thing that amazed me the most was, she looked beautiful especially in her eyes. We went to have a simple dinner at a food court, but I enjoyed every second and minute with her. We chatted for very long, and we headed for the esplanade and chatted even more. We exchanged our xmas gifts and did lots of catching up. After that, I sent her home. From that day on, i kept thinking of her, she is always on my mind 24/7. I don't know why. Actually, I've been holding this candle for her for so many years, but I didn't and dare to say it out. I really don't know what's going on in my mind now. My head is swirling, like a whirlwind. let's juz hope nature takes its course.

24th Of Dec, was another memorable day. It was my cousin's wedding. I felt very happy for her. She's such a nice lady, and she finally found her true love. Not only that, wedding on the eve of christmas! Haha. The thing I like most about this event was to meet my cousins and other relatives. Few of my cousins and uncles came from far places, such as boston and new zealand. Miss them so much. I ad so much fun at the wedding dinner, drank a lot and took a lot of photos with my cousins. I'll definitely cherish this.

25th of Dec, its Christmas! A beatiful day, went out with my buddies though one of them was away in China. Haha. Went out with them to play lan cause we had nothing to do. At first, we thought of going to town to catch a movie, but felt that it would be flooded with people, so we changed plan. After playing lan, had dinner at pastamania, haha, though I felt the food wasnt that good, we did some funny stuff there, especially when one of my friend put tabasco sauce on his cabonara! Haha! After that, we headed for east coast. Bought some alcoholic drinks before heading to the beach. Hehe! We sat down at this jetty area and did lots of catching up. We even talked about our so called "BGR" problems. Though we should be celebrating christmas in town, it was still fun and kinda unique to celebrate there. After that, we headed home.

These days were fun, and it made me realise how life is important to me. How I wish I could just turn back the clock. I hope I could just be with her someday.

A "very" meaningful week

2005-11-13T23:05:00.000-08:00

School reopened this week, and I wasn't really looking forward to it. First day of school, I had four hours break before having a one hr lecture at six. This coming semester will be pack for me, hope that i'll be able to cope and pull it through all the way. On friday, it was so called "anit-climax" day for me. Went to my club to go bowling, was looking forward to it, but eneded up I had lousy scores. Not only that, I didnt have peace and quite for myself. There was a group of students having training by one of the coaches that I knew. And i hate the students there. CCHSS (Main). Yes, im making it clear! So snobbish! But, what the heck, who cares. Another anti-climax event was during the ride back home from one of the buses. I saw this pretty gal in the bus, she was living around my estate. She was alighting at the same stop as me. When I alighted, I went to scan the gate. Upon doing so, I was hoping to like see her and smile. But guess what? i had an embarrasing moment! As I was at the gate and about to turn and smile at her, I bowling bag toppled sideways, and she had to hold the gate for me. So embarrasing! It toppled due to a crack that I didnt notice on the floor. In another way, I felt this week kinda good because i finally made with someone that has been treating me cold all this while. I felt so great after overcoming this barrier. What a week for me. And there's more coming up!

Is rotting at home considered fun??

2005-10-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

For the past 3 days, I was at home rotting, didn't know what to do and where to go. At first, I wanted to stay at home for a main objective, which is not to spend money unnecessarily. But, as I think about it, rotting at home can either be fun or boring. 3 basic things that I did, eat, sleep and watch tv. Sheesh! Though it was plain fun, I felt it was a waste of my day. I felt I should have done something better than to rot at home. The only thing I did that I felt great was to go out for a jog for the past 3 days. At least I did some work out. How I wish I could turn back the clock, should have done something better, like maybe do some important stuff. I felt I wasted my 3 days of holiday that was given to me. Sheeh! Im still wondering, is rotting at home fun? Oh well, it could be relaxing but its truely a great waste of time, could have done something better.

Wohoho! The most embarrasing moment of my life!

2005-10-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

Today, I was at Hougang SuperBowl for a 8 game series competition. From the beginning, I was looking forward to it especially the price money. But the moment the games started, I knew I was going to lose. Not only that, I was the underdog. I was the only player that was not from the league at HG Superbowl. And they knew all the targets and the they could adapt to the lane conditions immediately. I could not. At the same time, my fingers began to swell and blisters formed. At the end of the game, I was standing at last position. I was so embarrased. Haiz. I felt so shameful, I didnt know where to hide my face. I only did well in my last game. My friends were there to support me, and I really thank them for their support, if not I will not have the determination to carry on. Thanks guys! When I got home, my parents asked me about my match, they reacted in different manners. My mom just laughed and said that I have wasted my money. As for my Dad, I was very furious with him. He started adding fuel into the fire, saying " A lost is a lost, don't talk so much". I was very hurt and angry with the remark made by him. He even said I could not make it and said in an indirect way that I was lousy. Some encouragement I got from my parents. I felt so "Shitified". From the day I came onto this planet, my parents were never ever prund of what Im doing. Even though I got into one of the most prestigous course which is chemical engineering, they weren't even satisfied. Haiz. Oh well, all I can do is suck my thumb and roll around from left to right.

Yo Yo

2005-08-22T23:13:00.000-07:00

woah dude, its almost gonna be a month, or isit a month? haha... its been so long since i last posted here. Been very busy with sch work, have finally gotten rid of all my projects. Now, its the final battle, the main exams.... oh my god! Im really so scared for it. I hope to do well and pass all, especially maths, im so afraid of it. I dun wish to take any sup paper or watsoever. Pray pray.... And today, my day became a sad day again, say shulin at the mensa canteen. I was feeling rather sad. Yesterday, i sms her, giving her my well wishings for her french test, was hoping tt she would reply back. But it backfired me, she din. Then I saw her today, she too was shocked to see me. I pretended that she wasnt there. Haiz. I really hope, one day our problem could be solved. I wish to see our friendship there again.

Am I a jinx?

2005-07-26T23:02:00.000-07:00

I thought today would be a gd day for me, was looking forward to today's events especially the roll off's for tonight. but guess wad? I screwed it up! Fuck! And tht wasnt all, I took the bus to the wrong interchange, had to take a cab that cost me $10 and worst of all, my friends from the tp team saw me at the bus stop, honked at me but i din hear, was listening to my music loudly. Felt so embarrased after wad they told me at the alley. I felt so ashamed. I reall felt like breaking down. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Updates

2005-07-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, just realised its been a month plus since I last updated my blog. Been so tight up with sch work and projects! I hate it! These few weeks have rather been a stressful and depressing one, but i still have to face it bravely. Flung 2 out of 5 quizes. Especially maths, wad a disgrace! I got the lowest! 2.5 out of 25. Sheesh! Felt so sad and embarrassed. I really hope to pass and score well for my term test. I cant fail it! Im so scared! plz... God, help me!!!!! I hope this is not my fate to fail. I really hope to pass. Haiz. Looking forward to term break though... really need a rest. Anyway, gtg. Au Revoir! Salut!

Hey Dudes~

2005-05-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since i've updated my blog. Well, nothing much happened lately, just been to gym and played lan with Beng. Haha. But, suddenly, today, my world kinda came crashing down on me. A flower that i've been waited, bloomed so nicely and it was snatched away by a friend. I guess you know what I mean. I felt depressed, an opportunity that has slipped away from me. Why does this haf to happen to me? Is it predestined? I can feel it again, the sadness that is sunk in my heart. It hurts like mad. I hope it'll be gone soon. I must control myself. Stand up rite and be strong. Im trying my best and I hope it works.

A day that was to be fun got ruined

2005-04-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

It was a fine sunny day today, thought it would be a gd day for me to enjoy myself and relax. Intended to go bowling and sun tan after that and a swim. But, things turned out the other way. When i reached the club, I started to bowl my first few games for warm up. It was crap! And almost fell down. Then here, comes the worst part, on my 5th game, my skin on my middle finger got torn and swelled. SheesH! I couldnt play much after that, hurts a lot and it would be distracting my game. So i packed and left. After that, went to sun tan, but before that, i thought, maybe i shoudl go for a jacuzzi first and tan later since the sun is still up and hot. But, guess wad, when I came out after that, there was no sun!!! The damn dark clouds blocked out the sunlight. Wad the hell! Wad a coincidence! I couldnt swim too cause my finger hurts badly. Argh! Decided to sit on the bench for awhile, listen to my music and go bath. After that I left the club. On my way home, i took a freaking bus that was filled with a bunch of smart asses!!!! From Dunman High Sec! And they were flooding the bus and making so much noise! So annoyed! A good day that turned out to be the opposite. And, also, I received a sms from Shulin, thought I was kinda happy, but the way she replied me, was very weird and as if im like a stranger to her. Up to now, ( I mean it! ) i've waited for about 7 hrs already and she hasnt replied back to me. Haiz. Fucked up day!!!!!!

Her again???

2005-04-09T23:45:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since i last posted. Its been a rough week for me. Juz received my exam results, glad that I passed, but was sad that I din not do well. Haiz. Put in so much effort, yet like this. Then, went back to sec sch for Venture activites. So much problems today. And, worst of all, was given a task to do, make a decision for my ventures, to let them proceed on for their combine activity or scrape it off. It was a tough decision for me to make, cause of what they did, lousy discipline and poor attitude, and, worst of all, they feel they deserve the have the combine activity. I was so frustrated. And I had to be the devil as im always too nice to them and they have been walking over my head. After that, i felt very sad and depressed, I duno why. I felt one kind. Then, in the late afternoon, received all their smses and calls, trying to apologise to me. But i ignored. And i din not answer their calls. They flooded my hp, wad the fuck!!!!!!!!! And today, was on my way to the campfire, I saw her. Why?! Why do i have to see her time after time?? It hurts so much! Saw her last week too. Why!!!?? I felt the pain in me, the agony and the sadness. Haiz, I really really hope i dun see her again.

Battle at the warfront!!!!

2005-03-20T22:15:00.000-08:00

It has been a tiring week for me. Almost everyday, i've been going back to sch for revision for this upcoming exam which is tmr (OMG!) I really hope to score and do well, I dun wish to have borderline passes, its so sucky. And, wad a sad thing man, my birthday falls on my study break!! Kaoz~ But, i still went out with my buddies to have steamboat. It was fun, and I enjoyed myself. Haha~! Oh well, tmr will be the day i've finally waited. I will not be afraid, I will take this as a game, challenge myself, and I musn't lose, musnt have this 2 words on my head when I receive my results (GAME OVER). I wana have (YOU WIN). I will face this harsh battle for the next 4 days! Ai Pia Zai Ae Aya!

Meaningful week for me

2005-03-06T23:20:00.000-08:00

Though this week was kinda rough, I find its a meaningful week for me. Studied a lot, learn my mistakes from quizes, tok cock with my buddies that came out from army and my ex classmates that I bumped to today, haven seen them for a long time. Haha. Well, dun really wana go into much detail. Cheerios~!

BoO!

2005-02-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

WoW, its been quite some time since i've last posted here. What a week it was for me man! Had so many tests in sch and formal presentation. Finally, its over for now! LOL! Also, haven gone to the gym for about 2 weeks, juz went today with beng, and bumped into a lot of my friends. Kinda happy to see them. After that went to mac to study THERMODYNAMICS! oOo! Then yesterday, went to have my hair cut, so wild man, mohawk! HAHA! I was so shocked, i din expect myself to cut his kinda of hairstyle! And everywhere I go, ppl will start to stare at me. WTF! And Because of this hair, had an arguement with my dad. Tmr when my classmates see this haristyle of mine, i duno what will be their reaction. Oh well, I hope it will be a gd day tmr, and this hairstyle, hope it will so call change my fengshui. HAHAHAH!!!

Panda for me...

2005-02-20T23:15:00.000-08:00

It has been a very very busy week for me, stayed back in sch for so many days till 8pm. So vexed and i can become a panda. Went for orientation camp, total of hrs slept throughout the camp was 5hrs. Record! So tired until I fell asleep while studying and doing project. Felt very sad about this week, cause I feel that she and I are drifting apart. I guess most likely im gonna give up. I feel a waste, a type tht I wanted, but it has to be like that... Why?!?!

WhaT A VaLenTiNes DaY I HaD Man...

2005-02-14T23:05:00.000-08:00

Today, i brought the gifts to sch. Was huge and everyone was looking at me. Some of my friends were making fun out of me while some showed their care and concern when they knew my situation. I was very worried that I wun be able to pass my gift to her. Luckily, my friend helped me to cause I was busy and due to some problems. I was also glad she accepted it. I felt sad when she sms me, telling me in a non happy tone, but a thank you from her was good enough. I really hope she likes it. On my home, see couples going out while im at home studying for quiz. Kaoz~! It will be a day that I will never forget, on how much trouble i went through. I really hope things will work out fine and I hope she will not avoid me. Anyway, happy valentines day!

Did I make the right choice?

2005-02-11T22:50:00.000-08:00

Had a long day today, did lots of projects on sch and went for bowling training today. As i was on my way home, I was wondering whether I should give her a call to ask whether I could pass her the gift. I procastinated, thought and thought. Then, I decided to call. She answered, told me she was at her friends hse playing poker. Then, i raised the question. First, I ask whether i could meet her on valentines day, but she told me she had projects to do. I was fine with that. Then, I asked her whether she could meet for a while this coming sunday so that I could pass to her the gifts. Guess wad? She ask me for wad? I told her I got for her gifts for valentines day, but she said she dun wana accept it. I felt hurt. I dun know why, then both of us paused for awhile, and then she told me she would tok to me another day. Then I hung up. As I walked home, i thought through of my actions, was it rite to haf called her? Maybe I shouldnt at all, I felt so hurt. I guess she know my reasons already. I felt it was a grave mistake to do it. Now, all i feel now is to avoid her. I dun know why, I cant explain this feeling inside of me, I hate the way i feel tonight.

My day that was like a statistic~

2005-01-28T00:15:00.000-08:00

Today, woke up at about 8plus to get my self ready to meet Beng as we were going to get some strings at peninsula and at the same time look for some rock T-shirts. I was looking forward to that. Was so happy that I managed to get this rock shirt by this group call Velvet Revolver. Had a discount somemore. Haha. Then, saw a chio bu today at the shop selling the strings. Her accent was beautiful. And she looks gorgeous! HAha. After that, went down to St.Gabs to do training for my ventures. Wasnt that bad. And during the eveing, went to meet up with vincent to do the frank sands thingy at mac. And, wad a coincidence, I bumped into my ex classmates and the gal that I was fond of. My day kinda brighten! Haha. After that, my ex classmate told me to join him and the rest for supper. I was delighted to. As I was on my there, i received a msg from my classmate. I was shocked by her msg, telling me that she heard from her friend that I had bad mouth her. I asked her who it was and she was reluctant to tell me. She even told me to tell her straight wad im unhappy with and she also apologised to me. I was very sad about this issue. I dun even remember saying those type of thing. i thought and thought, who could have told her? Even if I did say it, it was a fact! And why I din wana tell her, because I want her to realise her own mistake. Then, at supper, i was msging that gal tht I was fond of. All of a sudden, she juz stopped msging me. I felt awkward. And I was depressed as she didnt reply back to me. Haiz........ What was the reason? I really duno.... Then as I was on my way home with my friends waiting at the bus stop, a drunk indian guy approached us. It was the same guy that took 4 bucks from me in the past! I was pissed off! And luckily he din ask me for money, he approached my friend. It was such a sad thing, seeing him waste his life like that. As I reached home, i thought through wad went wrong today. i couldnt slp well. The day was like a statistic, from good to bad. Climax up and anit climax all the way. Haiz. I felt to depressed.

Nice songs I downloaded.. Haha.

2005-01-24T22:04:00.000-08:00

Today, after studying for so many hrs, felt so bored and decided to search for some songs on the net. I downloaded some old songs from this singer by the name of Tommy Page. His songs are so nice and romantic. Especially titles like Im Falling In Love and A shoulder To Cry On. After listening to these songs, i was on cloud nine again. I kept on thinking of her. I waited and waited for her to msg me, but failed. Haiz. Was sad about it. Thought she would give me her well wishings for my exam tmr. *SiGhx* I hope im able to concentrate on my papers tmr. Every min, she's running through my mind. Im going crazy. Plz save me from this misery. But who? I have to face this battle by myself.

What a tiring day! And a week for me~....

2005-01-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

Another week is going to go by, how time flies. Today my whoe day was occupied by a bowling competition I had. So shagged, played total of 8 games series. OMG! Came homw bout 5plus, took a nap and went out with my parents to have dinner. After that, studied for awhile as I din have time already, shall continue wit my studying tmr. Haha. This week was a damn stressful week, had some many papers to clear, now im left with one more which is this tue. I cant wait to clear it. Also, this week, i was in cloud nine. I really felt in love with someone. But, I dare not say it out. Yesterday, spoke to her on the phone for 2 hrs plus. I enjoyed it. Hearing her voice makes me feel very warm inside. But, im now in a dilemma. She's a nice gal, with nice personality. I haf finally met my dream gal. But yesterday, while having a conversation with her on the phone, she kinda hinted to me that she was interested in a relationship. When I thought about that, I felt so depressed. And I actually asked her wad she was gonna do for Valentines day, and she told me she might be going out with her friends. She feels that Valentines day is just another ordinary day. I took courage to ask her whether she was willing to spent time with me on Valentines day with me, but she said she'll see about that. I stammered when I asked her. I can feel that she doesnt wana to come out on valentines day with me. Haiz. Felt so demoralised. A real good catch, but i feel that it is gonna go to waste. I feel so confused. Should I just continue to try to get to know her more and court her? Im lost! Haiz. I really hope to find an answer soon. The feeling is so uncomfortable. I duno what she feels about me.

A day filled with hatred and problems

2005-01-15T23:30:00.000-08:00

Hmm.... I thought Sat would be a gd day for me to relax and to do my studies. But everything turned out the other way round. Woke up in the morning, had a terrible headache. My family wanted to go out to have breakfast, and i thought we cold just quickly go and come back home. But, i was so frustrated. Guess wad? We took 1 and a half hrs juz to leave the hse for breakfast. So freaking ridiculous!! Mom was waiting for dad to end his work at the com, dad said he was waiting for my to finish her work in the kitchen. One by one, waiting for another, and they din know who had finished. I was so angered by that. Haiz! Came home, took a nap, thought my headache would subside but it was still there. I tried to study, about 2 hrs and I took a nap again. Woke up, continued my revision. Then Beng called me, asked me out. I thought it would be good, go out to relax. He told me amos wanted to meet up too. So i said anything. We agreed to meet at one of the nearby coffeeshops at 7pm. At 7pm, BEng and I arrived, waiting for Amos. Thought he would reach soon. At 8pm, he din arrive. Then he called me, din realised he left me a missed call. And, guess wad he said to me? "Where are you? Where are you?" I thought he had arrived and couldnt find us. But, he was at home. And he told me this,"I dun feel like coming already." What the fuck! I was so angered by that. Waited for an hr for him to have dinner together and this was what he did. I felt being bastard big time. So angered by that, expect me to forgive and forget? In yr dreams man! Fuck you! That was what I felt. I hung up. Then Beng and I ordered our dinner. And the stupid lady took so long to deliver my food. And she said she couldnt find us and went to serve other customers first. I was damn pissed off! I told her where I was. Asshole! Everything was in a mess for me today. After that, Beng and I went to get some drinks at Shop and Save. We got ourselves 2 bottles of water. And, again, something fucked up happened. There only 2 cashiers available. And we queued for so long juz for the water. Everything seemed to turn out bad. HAiz. A day spoiled. That's wad i felt. A day I will not forget.

WoW~! What a week Man~!

2005-01-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

Finally, I have some time to write my blog. Have been so busy this week. Its so freakying crazy! 6 quizes this week! Madness! But in a way, it was good, though the feeling was like shit, cause it made me study hard for it (though im gonna flung some of it) Haha. Not only studies drove me nuts, had other activities to do. Sec sch juz had orientation day for the sec 1s. In a way, I was glad, one of the higheset recruitment i've ever seen. 61! Haha. But i guess it will temporary. As the months go by, the leftover from the intake will drop. Haha! This week, I was also kinda "love sick". ha.....ha. (will not explain about it) ShHhH! So much things have happened this week. Kaoz! Oh well, im glad is done for for now. The following week after next its my term test, Dammit! Muz pia!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haiz...

2004-12-29T22:48:00.000-08:00

Today went to sch for normal lessons. At the same time, had organic quiz today. Feeling so down, and disappointed. Din know how to do the questions for the quiz even though I studied so hard. Haiz. Y muz this always happen to me? Im still figuring that out. Then today got a bad flu, so embarrased, sneezed repeatedly during the quiz and lecture. OMG!!! So fucked up. A day ruined! But was happy to receive a call from Amos, saying that he just booked out, and went to meet up with him for a chat. Haha. At least I could tell him my problems. Haiz. Just hope tmr will be a better day. Adious!

StrEsS!!!!

2004-12-28T22:30:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since the last time I wrote my last blog. Have been very busy. Received news that next week I have 4 Quiz! WTH! And I got 2 projects to do and to be submitted by 2nd week of Feb. OMG!!!! So stress. Dun really have time to enjoy myself this week. Wad kind of end year fun I will have man. Somemore I am suffering froma sprained back now. So unlucky sia. Tmr still got Quiz. Kaoz!!!! And end at 7pm!!! Wah LAu!!!!!!

Fucked up Day!!

2004-12-14T23:15:00.000-08:00

Another boring day has passed, went to sch for lecture, came home, feeling so shagged, wanted to go jogging but ended up slogging on the bed. Woke up, watched tv and did tutorials.... Din understand how to do so many questions. Die aR! Then, next door neighbour was smoking outside my house, was in a foul mood, so I kinda say out loud that he was smoking in my premises. Offended him, feeling whether was the rite thing to do or not. Worst thing of all, I cant play my freaking guitar!!!!! Got some problem with the strings!!! Beng!! When you coming to help me?? I really need to play! Tmr, its also another boring day. Have to do presentation!

YawnX

2004-12-12T23:00:00.000-08:00

What A day has passed today. This morning, went to have breakfast with my parents at Toa Payoh. After that, came home to rest for awhile b4 heading to east coast for my bowling training. All seems well, satistfied with my performance. Today, coach announce by the end of this month the team would be finalised. I hope I can get in. After that, went home to take a nap, feeling very exhausted. Woke up at 6pm, went out with parents for dinner that headed to mac to study and do tutorials. Sian!!!! Was so happy today, finally compiled all my OC notes. Cool! Unepectedly, received a reply from Amos. Told me whole day he din have rest. I felt at ease to hear from him. After that, headed home to relax. Looking forward to tmr!

First time in my life!

2004-11-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

Today was quite an amazing day for me. But a boring morning. Went back to St.Gab's to do some trashing with the sec 3's. In the afternoon went to gym with Beng. Feeling was good, pumping up again. During the evening time, I felt kinda bored, didnt know wad to do. Then I decided to go bowling at Hougang SuperBowl alone. At the alley, I sort of got my spinner method rite. Lots of ppl were looking at me bowl. Then suddenly, I caught notice of the group of malay ppl looking at me bowl, especially one pretty gal amongst them. I noticed her telling friends and pointing at me and the way I bowl. I stared at her and she smiled at me. Haha!!! First time man! (Wasted, if only it was a chinese gal). Haha! After that, she and her friends went to make the payment. After that, as I was about to bowl, I heard some said loudly "Bye Bye!" I turned around and it was her. She was saying goodbye to me! WTF!!!! I was startled for a moment. Then I was bye to her and immediately carried on with my bowling. After bowling, I had dinner with parents. AFter eating, as I followed my parents to the car, I saw her again. Again, she signalled her friend about me, I turned away and walked. Shy sia. Haha! In the car, I thought to myself, did she smiled and said bye to me for fun or isit infatuation? Its a mystery. LOL!!

Demoralised!!!!!

2004-11-20T00:27:00.000-08:00

Today was the day of the MDIS bowling competition . My group was expecting a good performance from me. I was looking forward to it. The competitors were very challenging. And I felt some instinct that I couldnt make it. Sad to say, it was true. My group was out of the top 20 teams. Imerged as one of the last few few teams. So bad! WTF!?!?! I apologised to my group members, as I felt that I was the main cause of pulling down the groups score. They didnt blame me, especially one of the members in my team who is from Burma. He even said to me, "next competition, we'll team up again." I was amazed by what he said. I felt bad enough already. Soon, all the groups from TP gathered to have some TCS. I didnt have the mood to, so I made an excuse that I had something on and left. As I was on my way home, felt so demoralised. Haiz. LAter in the evening, went to Amos hse to play Need For Speed Underground. Haha!!!! Thought it was a lame game, but found out it was a cool and fun game to play. Haha. Felt much better after playing the game and talking cock to Amos. Lol. Damn gay! Played that game for 3 hrs like a couch potato, didnt even move about. LOL! After that, said gdbye to him and left. Really felt good and I liked it!!!

Is it fate? Why must it happen to me??

2004-11-06T22:35:00.000-08:00

Earlier today in the morning, I was at Bishan Mac with Shu Hao, teaching him chemistry for his O levels. I din like the idea of going to Bishan, thinking that I might bump into Sally. But I thought it was crap. We were studying outside the Mac instead of inside cause of the crowd. Then, after teaching him for some time, I decided to take a toilet break. After that, as I walked out of the toilet heading towards the exit, I caught noticed of a gal. All of a sudden, I just stood like a statue staring at her. I thought to myself, "She looks familiar, but who isit ?" Then I remember..... Its Sally! My mouth just dropped and in my mind was WTF!!!!! Then I quickly walked out. My friend asked what happened and I told him about it. My day was spoilt, seeing someone that I've not seen for a long time, someone who has avoided me for a long time. I felt a deep cut in my heart. She saw me, but she couldnt recognise me as she just turned away. After that, I wasnt really in the mood to teach my friend, but I tried as I cant do this kinda foolish thing, for a gal I cant teach my friend kind of thingy. When I reach home, I went for a jog to divert my attention. As I jog, I thought to myself, why?!? What a coincidence! Are we fated to see each other after so long?? Even so, why cant we talk anymore?? I felt very hurt. I just didnt know what to do. Is it meant to be that I have to see her once in a while? Last time saw her at CJC and Far East, now at Bishan!!! What The FUck!!!! ArghH!!!!! I just wish one day she and I could still talk. That's all I want, I dun yearn for a relationship with her anymore. it hurts every beat to think about it. and I cant stopped thinking about it. Sometimes my heart still feels for her. But does she? It is a mystery.

A Day To Remember!

2004-10-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

Today it was a nerve racking day for me. I was so damn nervous. I was at a friends hse playing some games. Suddenly, I started to receive an sms from my friend which stated this, "How did you fair for you exam?" All of a sudden, I startled! It just shot into my head, reminding me of the exam results! I told him I have not received the results as I found out today the results are being posted via sms. But I din apply for that. LOL! Then, more and more of my classmates started to msg me to ask about my results. I just kept quiet and I told some of them that I have yet to see it. The whole day, I felt very nervous, didnt know what the outcome would be like, would I pass or would I have to take a supplementary paper? Damn! But I was glad as I was out the whole day with an ex classmate. He was there to ease my mind and told me not to think too much. Thanks! When I reached, it was time to view my results through the website. As I slowly open and logged in into the account, my heart was pumping like nuts. Then, the page showed the results. To my astonishment, I passed everything!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA! I was jumping with joy. But was kinda disappointed as I did not score well for my papers. But anyway, the suspense was over for me. Thank God! The whole day I was so anxious. KNS! At least i could go to bed and rest with ease. I'll be looking forward to the next day. Haha!!!!!!

A sense of achievement!

2004-10-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

I've waited for this day, preparing myself to jog a long distance that I wanted. At first, I told I wouldnt make it, but I decided to try, no pain no gain! I jogged and I persevered on, and I finished my mark. Was so contented, had a sense of achievement, haha. Sometimes I believe achievements could be gained by taking a step forward, grabbing opportunities that lie ahead of you. Haha! That's what I feel. The feeling is so great, like on cloud nine.
Shortly after, Was thinking alone all by myself, feeling kinda down as I just found out about my best friend entering the army soon. I've been waiting for his A levels to be rid off b4 having a fun time, but looks like no more opportunity. Haiz. I felt I should have grabbed the opportunity to go out with him and talk cock with him in the past, but it has slipped. I have no freaking idea when I could see him again once he enters the army, chances would be rare. Tears almost came out, but I controlled. A best buddy that I has touched my heart.
When there is an opportunity, take it and grab it, dont let it slip, for we have only this once in a lifetime opportunity, dont live in regret.

-Benji-

WhAt I ThOugHt Of YestErDay

2004-10-17T22:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Nothing to do, then i juz wondering, nowadays, songs are written about love, hatred or anger? Now the trends that I see are mostly related to anger or hatred. Some songs are put in a nice way but some are like totally way off. I like those that are related to falling out of love. Some of them is nice especially this modern rock song entitled Fall to Pieces by velvet Revolver. Very nice song though the song lyrics is short. Lol! Sometimes I feel it that way, and most importantly, it is about how the guy was able to get back to his feet. Check out the video clip. Its nice. Here's the song lyrics. Enjoy!

It's been a long year
Since you've been gone
I've been alone here
I've grown oldI fall to pieces,
I'm falling Fell to pieces and I'm still falling
Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to piecesI keep a journal of memories
I'm feeling lonely,
I can't breatheI fall to pieces,
I'm fallingFell to pieces and I'm still falling
All the years I've tried
With more to go
Will the memories dieI'm waiting
Will I find you
Can I find you
We're falling down
I'm falling

Wah! So fast another day gonez~

2004-10-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

When I open my eyes, I found myself in someones hse, wondered where I was. Then i remembered! I was at Bear Bears hse. Gary and I stayed over for the nite to do some discussion and played PS 2. Lol. Played until 2am. Woke up at bout 10am. After that, played awhile more with Gary on PS 2 b4 we left. Went home, went to slp as I felt very tired due to insufficient rest. When I woke up, it was 5pm. Wah! It was like a blink of an eye. How time flies. After that, went to retrieve my bowling ball at the superbowl that was sent to servicing. Then went to meet up with Bao and the rest to TCS b4 i headed home. Had dinner with my parents and it was damn good! Hor fun, char kway tiao and Oyster egg omelette! haha. Reached home, watched some tv and now typing this blog. The day juz passed so quickly and my results for my exmas will be out soon, im so scared.... haiz. Plz! LET ME PASS!!!!!!!! Haha. Tmr will be another boring day for me. LOL!

-Benji-

What a day.... Bored!

2004-10-11T23:52:00.000-07:00

Another boring day has passed. Early morning, as usual, went to have breakfast with my parents. After that went to send my bowling ball for servicing and went straight to gym. Shiok, pump and pump, Woah! After tht, a fat gay called me with the negative R factor (I believe you guys know who)... haha. =P Asked me out to go shaun's hse to relax and do some discussion. *YaWnz* Slack and slack at his hse, then came home. Now typing out this blog... Haha. I hope tmr will be a better day. *Wink*

-Benji-

A nice song I discovered~

2004-10-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

I dont really fancy R&B songs, but this one is an exception. It rocks. The meaning and the tune matches. The video clip is nice too (especially the gal inside) LOL! Here's the lyrics. Enjoy!

My Place feat. Jaheim

I used to pride myself on being the other man But now it's flipped and I don't want u with no other man Why can't u understand anything I'm offering I gave you the world but you just wanted arguing From the time I picked you up, until the time I dropped u off again Even flipped out on me at the mall again "it's all his fault again" that's what u telling all ya friends I aint pointing fingers ma, I just wanna call again See how ya day going I know they stressin on ya I know them times get hard that's why I'm checkin on ya It's yours truly ma, I got a little message for ya Anything he can do, girl I can do it better for ya, cause

[Bridge]When we laugh or we cry it's together Through the rain and the stormiest weather We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever

[Chorus]Won't you come on and go with me Come on ova to my place Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat And let me ease ya mind girl We gon do it our way I heard your friend told a friend that told a friend of mine That you was thinking that we should do it one more time If this aint the truth then hopefully it's not a lie Cause I aint got no issue's with hitting at another time We never had a problem gettin it done Disagreed upon a lot ma but the sex wasn't one Now check it I know u get excited (still) when I come round and bite it (girl)Quit frowin up and quit actin like you don't like I like it, I like it, I really, really like it, I want it, adore it, so come let me enjoy it [Bridge]When we laugh or we cry it's together Through the rain and the stormiest weather We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever

[Chorus]Won't you come on and go with me Come on ova to my place Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat And let me ease ya mind girl We gon do it our way Shawty where u been Feels like a long time, long, long time since I seen ya Yes it has girl, when I know I said some f*cked up things to u before But girl u know I didn't mean it (I didn't mean one single word) (I never meant one single word) If I could take back every word I would and more fo sho If I thought that you believe it Cause you make my life so convenient for me

[Bridge]When we laugh or we cry it's together Through the rain and the stormiest weather We gon still be as one it's forever, it's forever

[Chorus]Won't you come on and go with me Come on ova to my place Won't you sit ya self down and take a seat And let me ease ya mind girl We gon do it our way

-Benji-

Li Bai's Poem

2004-09-06T23:00:00.000-07:00

Here's something that I found that was rather unique. So many ways to express it sia. Enjoy

Li Bai's Poem

The Chinese version

Chuan chien ming ye kuan ti sia yi sang xuan chi toa wang ming ye ti toa sze ku xian

The full-blown version (in refined English)

The moon light is pouring down on my bedside like white frost spreading on the ground I look up the bright round moon in the sky and lower my head thinking of my dear hometown --Li Bai

And here's the Singlish version #1

Bedfront Moon Bright Bright Think is Floor White White Lift Head see Moon Moon Bow Head Miss Home Home....

-- Li Ah Beng Singlish version #2

Bedfront see moon moon think is one snow snow lift head see moon-moon head down think home-home

Li Bai (II)

Bedfront Orrr Pi Sai (pick nose) Think Think Go Pang Sai (go shit) Look up in the sky Poem is a waste of time

Latest Reservist Army version Bedfront Lauuuuu Bark Sai (Tears drop) Think Think have to go Excercise (Reservist mobilization) Drop dead look into the sky (Run until no breathe) Tong Call Sia Lang Chai (My heartache nobody knows) -- Li Pang Sai

Benji-Wad life?-

What's the value of friendship?

2004-09-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today, I was at Fabby's house studying. Whole afternoon chioing. What a day manz. Though it was tiring and stressful, it was also fun. All of us including Hairy Dog ( you know who I mean ) were joking our way as we studied and rest. It lifted up my spirit and its a nice feeling. Luckily, I have 2 buddies like them. What's the value of frienship? To some ppl, they think that friendship is nothing. Some ppl would treat it as nothing. I've seen such cases b4. There was once a gal whom I've not contacted for a long time told me this, "Friends would change, and I dont see a point keeping in contact with one another....". Its very hurting to hear such words from her. I hate this kind of attitude. And some ppl juz don't like to take the initiative to call you up or so to keep in contact with you. The worst part that I hate the most is when ppl say this, " Guys should always take the initiative...". I believe this is crap. What century are we living in now? Come on dude... wake up! Sucks man! Oh well, what to do? Well, to me, I feel that friendship is priceless. It is something that cannot be bought. Without friendship, there would be more setbacks and obstacles in our path, no one to comefort us when we need to and have to. They are there for us when we need them. But then of course, you have to choose the right ppl in life. Haha. I thank those of you who have stepped into my life, for lifting up my spirits and giving me encouragement, especially my close buddies. For those selfish ppl out there, one advice to ya, cherish the ppl around you, for we have only this one life, and we will not see each other again. Cheers!

-Benji- Lose YouRself

Something I realise today...... Yea!

2004-08-31T07:15:00.000-07:00

Normally, when you do badly for yr tests or exams etc, ppl would always say 'juz work harder can liao'. In the past, I always believe that this is true. But now, I've come to realise that this is not the case. If there is low morale or too much pressure when studying, its no use. I believe in creating positive thoughts and relaxing. It helps. Yes, take things seriously, but dont take things too seriously. It makes us feel paranoid. Haha. This is wad I feel and have realised. Sometimes, u juz feel jealous, seeing other ppl putting less effort, juz read a bit or maybe even none, and they can score better than you! WTF. haiz. Oh well, this is life. Dont let this kind of thing affect ya, that's how I put it. CiAoz~!

-Benji-wad life?

Is it love?

2004-08-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

Today, I was having my lab period today. Din like this day as I felt that it was the day with a lot of things to do. Soon, my lab partner arrived. The moment she sat beside, she offered me some chocolate. At first, I din want to as I was shy to accept it. Then later, she offered me again, this time it is only one and its been nicely wrapped. I was startled by her actions. Then, I said to her, " wah so nice ar.... thanks" and juz took it. Sometimes I wonder, why is she nice towards me? I duno. But i must clarify, I definitely have no feelings towards her, is juz a buddy budy frienship kind of thing. Girls are weird creatures. I hate this kinda thing! Haha. Oh well, I juz hope that I will be able to meet my true love soon. But in my mind its blinking *Dream On*. Haha!

-Benji- Wad a life dude

Walking away

2004-08-23T07:46:00.000-07:00

Wad a day manz.......

2004-08-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

Today woke up at 8Am plus to get ready to go for bowling practice. Have to go all the way to east coast. Was so disappointed with my scores today, affected my ranking system. Scored 156, 99, 130 and 104. Hope to stay in the team. After that went home, took a nap and went to Amos house to TCS b4 going to Mac to study. Suppose to study but in the end, but studied a bit and then went to meet my parents for a meal. While studying I met a friend, talked to her for quite sometime b4 I went off. The meal so so shiok! Steam boat, have not taken that for a long time. After that went home, use the com to check email and stuff. Dont really have the motivation to study. The reason? Not sure. What a day man, just gone like that. Time waits for no man. Oh well, I hope to look forward for a new day tmr. I hope it would be good. And I wish to make some changes to myself.

-Benji- Wad Life?