The quiet feeling again

In a few days time, I will be flying over to see her, but somehow, I just feel that the impression given to me is like i'm like giving her trouble and inconvenience. Moreover, we are getting more and more quiet. We almost had an argument again and I don't wish to see that again. I just want us to progress well.

What makes me upset, is that every time when we are having the video call, she takes very long to reply back to me and I can see that she is reply back to him instantaneously. I feel so uncomfortable and at time, I really don't feel like talking to her.

Am I taken for granted? Is this what I see? After doing so much for her, and she still can do this? is it really worth it? Will it be paid off? I hope she will come to her senses. I don't know, how long more I can take this. At times, i will just stone and think about problems that relates to her. I don't know, whether, eventually we can be together.

I'm still keeping this faith alive and I hope, God will answer my prayers. I yearn for her a lot.

Where am I heading?

Every time I come online on this blog, I keep writing depressing stuff. I have been thinking the whole day about her, and I don't know, in the end, where will we be heading. Sometimes, I feel, I've done so much for her, but, is she really appreciative of it? What can I do to make her come to her senses?

Each time I do so much for her, I feel happy, but then I get slapped back on the face. It keeps happening time after time. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I really love her, and I really want to try out a relationship with her, but its so freaking tough. All the odds are against me and I don't want to give up. I am now hanging by a thread and its gonna snap anytime soon.

When oh when will she come to her senses or when will she ever come to love me? I know I shouldn't be asking much, but it can't be helped. What if you were in my shoes? How would you feel? This is freaking horrible and I hope God will be on my side. Its so unfair to see this happening. I fucking hate it!

Always at the wrong time

I just hate it, everytime when I am talking to her, he comes into the picture. Or, she will do it on purpose. I hate it, the feeling is so horrible. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help it. What if you were in my shoes? How would you feel? She has never spared a thought for me. Instead, she said that I have to accept it. Its really not fair. I fucking hate it! I shouldn't give her all the attention, making her take me for granted. But what can I do? I want to give her the cold treatment but I can't do it. Its so frustrating and I am so depressed. I wish I had no emotions so that I wouldn't feel like this. It sucks big time.

Should I Wait?

Its been going to be about 8 months, I am still waiting for the girl that I love. Should I continue to wait for her? Or should I just move on? At times, I really want to move on, but, I can't bear to do it, its so painful. But if I don't move on, I feel hurt too because she is still with him and I always see the things that I don't want to see. I am so lost.

I don't know how long more I can wait, because, its really driving me nuts. I know that there are a lot of other girls out there, but we have gone deep in this relationship and I feel so emotionally attached to her.

I am so lost. I really love her so much and I've done so much for her, but where are we heading? How long more can I wait? Will she ever love me? What am I treated as now? When will she ever leave him? I hope a miracle will happen. It feels like shit to share her with someone else.

Maybe, we weren't meant to be together, I really don't know what Heaven has installed for us. Hope to have a happy ending.