What is going on?

I just don't understand why, after all we have been through, she can say such things? What am I? some kind of a clown or entertainer? That is not true happiness.

I really hope, she will open her eyes and see what true happiness is. What hurt me the most was that she compared me with him, I felt so hurt when she did that. He is really garbage in my eyes. I did everything for her, is to realise, happiness and love can be simple and not complicated. Just by having the company and appreciating one's presence, is something we should be blessed and thoughtful of.

It really pains me to see us argue over such silly things. After all I have done, what does it mean? You think I want to create problems on purpose? I don't! I truly love her and I want to be with her. I do hope she will open her eyes and see the real picture. I really don't know, how long more I can wait. I envision many things with her and I hope my dreams will come true.

What do I really want?

Sometimes, I really wonder, is it really worth going through the pain, humiliation and waiting? What is true love?

I've been thinking about it for a very long time. Many people say that love is blind and I believe that this saying is true.

What can I do about it? Is it worth the wait? I am trying to keep this thinking positive, but how long more can I be positive? Patience is virtue? The slow and focused wins the race?

Well, I do hope, time will give me an answer. Will there be any other one that will step into my life? There is so many obstacles that is going to be up ahead of me. How long more can I go through this?

Why?

I don't get it, time after time, we argue again over the silly things. On my end, I showed so much love to her and even did my best to keep her company. After keeping her company, she said she is bored of me. What does she want from me?

Life is so unfair, when she show special treatment to him. What about me? What am I to you? She said I made her wait so that we can talk. Then what about now? I am waiting close to 2 hours to vid call with you. I am so darn confused. What am I suppose to do?

Sometimes, I really really wonder, is it worth it? After doing so much for her, and she said such stuff to me?

Will we be together in the end? I really wonder. Will she even open her eyes and see the truth? How can you say that he is a good man? You must be joking and blinded. I don't know how much more I can take this pain.

Again

Yesterday, I sent her to the airport. It was rather a mixed feeling. Before she left for the airport, she cried telling me about her situation.

She still thinks that he is a good man. All I can say is that, love is really blind. After he hurt you so many times, and you can say he is a good man. Its so frustrating. When will she open her eyes and her eyes and see the truth?

I seriously don't know, how long more I can wait. Will it be forever? It really hurts so much to see this.

The quiet feeling again

In a few days time, I will be flying over to see her, but somehow, I just feel that the impression given to me is like i'm like giving her trouble and inconvenience. Moreover, we are getting more and more quiet. We almost had an argument again and I don't wish to see that again. I just want us to progress well.

What makes me upset, is that every time when we are having the video call, she takes very long to reply back to me and I can see that she is reply back to him instantaneously. I feel so uncomfortable and at time, I really don't feel like talking to her.

Am I taken for granted? Is this what I see? After doing so much for her, and she still can do this? is it really worth it? Will it be paid off? I hope she will come to her senses. I don't know, how long more I can take this. At times, i will just stone and think about problems that relates to her. I don't know, whether, eventually we can be together.

I'm still keeping this faith alive and I hope, God will answer my prayers. I yearn for her a lot.

Where am I heading?

Every time I come online on this blog, I keep writing depressing stuff. I have been thinking the whole day about her, and I don't know, in the end, where will we be heading. Sometimes, I feel, I've done so much for her, but, is she really appreciative of it? What can I do to make her come to her senses?

Each time I do so much for her, I feel happy, but then I get slapped back on the face. It keeps happening time after time. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I really love her, and I really want to try out a relationship with her, but its so freaking tough. All the odds are against me and I don't want to give up. I am now hanging by a thread and its gonna snap anytime soon.

When oh when will she come to her senses or when will she ever come to love me? I know I shouldn't be asking much, but it can't be helped. What if you were in my shoes? How would you feel? This is freaking horrible and I hope God will be on my side. Its so unfair to see this happening. I fucking hate it!

Always at the wrong time

I just hate it, everytime when I am talking to her, he comes into the picture. Or, she will do it on purpose. I hate it, the feeling is so horrible. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I can't help it. What if you were in my shoes? How would you feel? She has never spared a thought for me. Instead, she said that I have to accept it. Its really not fair. I fucking hate it! I shouldn't give her all the attention, making her take me for granted. But what can I do? I want to give her the cold treatment but I can't do it. Its so frustrating and I am so depressed. I wish I had no emotions so that I wouldn't feel like this. It sucks big time.